David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
