i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize
