I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Randomize
