I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
Randomize
