Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize