Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
