My girlfriend figured out who you are.
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Randomize
