Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Randomize
