i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Randomize
