Even water is tasting like jack daniels
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
Drake has all the answers
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
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