Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
the gays at disneyland are vicious
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
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