You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Randomize
