Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
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