3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
actually, I'm a sock model
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
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