I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
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