he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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