I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
