Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
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