GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Sorry about my life...
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
