Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
