I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Randomize
