i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Randomize
