a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
