How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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