I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
I need a burrito and a hug.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
