Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
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