Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Randomize
