Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize