The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
