doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
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