i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
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