I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Randomize
