Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Randomize
