I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
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