life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
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