Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
