We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Randomize
