don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Randomize
