I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
