I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
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