Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
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