all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize
