Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
The Olympian is in my bed
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Randomize