for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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