Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
