You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
I can't put those talents on a resume
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
I think i got beer on your cat.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
