lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
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