And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Randomize
