the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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