I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
i dont even know how to be here
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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