Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Randomize
