she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize
