I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Randomize
