he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Randomize
