Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
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