There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
she pinky promised me she was 18
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize