We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
