I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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