Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
