cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
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