I wanna bring you to show and tell
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Randomize
