when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
