you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
