god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
The feeling are messing with the penis
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Randomize
