Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
