you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize