Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
