In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
