if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize