When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
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