woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
