Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize